Drunkenhood and Humblepie: A Broke, Single Man’s Cookbook (Recipe #15: Murder in the Kitchen with Chicken)

It’s been some time since I’ve written one of these posts. I think it largely has to do with the fact that I have been krazipantz busy the last few months. (Btw, this is my new offering to the lexicon: krazipantz as one word.) I haven’t been cooking very much in general, which is too bad, really, ‘cuz I like it. But it’s not easy to cook when you’re constantly trying to hit mics or have band practice and, oh yeah, have to spend 8 hours a day in a fluorescent cubicle. Don’t get me started on that…

At any rate, it’s been krazipantz because since August, I started a new phase of my cubicle job, prepped for recording with Ferns and settled into my open mic. Additionally, I signed-up to do a play, T. S. Eliot’s Murder in the Cathedral.

Plays are an interesting thing. This is, of course, what I studied, what I went to school for, what I’m supposed to do or whatever. It is strange, however,  now that I’ve been doing comedy and music so much, to do a real piece of legitimate thee-a-tuh again.

A verse drama? Who does that?! Well, buddy, we’re doing it! It’s a pretty good play, if I must say, and I also have to admit that T.S. Eliot knew how to turn a phrase. In fact, I’d say he was krazipantz good at it.

The performances are this coming weekend, after which will be Thanksgiving (with a visit from the parents!) and a long weekend of maybe not so much. My supreme goal is to sleep in a bed for a week. I won’t have an actual week to do that, but I can pretend it’s a week, which is almost as good. In other words: I’ve been working hard all fall, and I’m ready for winter. To hibernate.

Tonight, however, I am not busy. I have off: no rehearsal, no practice, no mics… nothing. So I’m cooking. I went to my grocery store and bought a shitload of stuff and then just started cooking right away. So, in finally getting to the main point behind this post, here is what I did:

Recipe #15: Murder in the Kitchen with Chicken

Ingredients:
1 Whole Chicken Breast
1 Small Zucchini (or as my Spanish roommates call it, calabacine)
1 Small Onion
4-5 White Woodland Mushrooms
1 Regular White Potato
Spices

What I did:

First, I chopped up the potato and the zucchini and put them into a pan with some butter and olive oil. At first I was going to only use butter, but then realized I’d need more liquid to cook the potato, so added olive oil. You could probably just use olive oil. I don’t know if there are any rules against using both, but whatever.

Sautéed them for a bit, then, after they started getting softer, I poured a little Six Point The Crisp beer in there. Yum. This is my favorite Six Point beer. As it simmered, I worked on my lines for MitC.

“Is there no way, in my soul’s sickness does not lead to damnation in pride?”

Heavy shit, man.

Alright, after these two things got cooking a little, I put them in a pot and poured more of The Crisp in, being sure to drink plenty of it in the process, then brought it to nice simmer. I did this mainly because I realized I had to use the skillet for the onion, which I had forgotten I had.

So I chopped up a small onion and sautéed it. I checked my email, did some FBing and ran some lines before realizing that I basically burned (or rather, hypercaramalized) the onions.

Whatever. Time to add a little more beer…

Next, I added the mushrooms.

Got a little bored and so, after a few moments, threw the whole mix (onion, potato, zucchini, mushroom) in the pot and let it simmer for a bit…

While this was happening, I had to check on my laundry (it’s been a while).

I then sliced up a whole chicken breast. I cut it into little cube like pieces. (Side note: I never know how to cut up chicken. It always seems a little weird to cut.) Next, I freaked out about salmonella a little bit, but washed my hands and so felt pretty ok with things in the end.

Well, now I don’t know what to do. I want the chicken to cook with the other stuff, so… finally, I decide to put the entire mixture back into the skillet and bring to a low simmer before adding the chicken via tongs (salmonella!).

I kept a bit of simmer going for a few moments before I added some sea salt, pepper, parsley, a pinch of red pepper and a pinch of cinnamon. Yes, cinnamon. If you haven’t used cinnamon for savory cooking, I recommend it. It’s awesome. (I just realized if I had almonds or cashews this would be a great addition, too!)

I then let it simmer on low-sh for a bit or until the chicken was fully cooked…

While this is happening, work on lines some more and have a beer.

“The last temptation is the greatest treason / To do the right deed for the wrong reason.”

Deep.

The Verdict:
Pretty fucking awesome. I succeeded in creating a very hearty stew. I ate it in little bites, measured out by coffee spoons.

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