Drunkenhood and Humblepie: A Broke, Single Man’s Cookbook (Recipe #8: Occult Bread-Pudding)

I worked at Wegmans for 7 years. (Originating in Rochester, NY, Wegmans is a cult that sells groceries.) To date, it’s the longest job I’ve ever had. While there, I worked in a number of departments, most memorable of which was “The Video Department.” I also did “Grocery,” “Front End” and for a while, “Pet Store.” That was boring.

Anyway, one time in “Prepared Foods” I had my first run-in with Bread Pudding.

Scene: Wegmans
Me: Bread… pudding?! What the–
Lady: It’s good!
Me: Really?
Lady: Try some.
Me: Ok.
Explosion of deliciousness!

So anyway, I’ve always been curious about it, so I’ve decided to try to make a little again (better than that gruel I made a while back). Here we go:

1. Three pieces of whole wheat bread, put into a medium pot.
2. Add 1 tablespoons unsalted butter.
3. Add organic whole milk until the bread is just slightly covered.
4. Tablespoon of honey.
5. About a tablespoon of cinnamon.
6. Tablespoon of natural chunky peanut butter.
7. Pinch o Sea Salt.
8. Put it all into the pot and put on medium low heat. Stir occasionally until the milk starts to simmer.
9. “Be grateful for all the music Bob Marley ever wrote.”
10. Get a bit impatient in Words with Friends because your supposed “Friends” won’t take their freakin’ turn.
11. Listen to “Paint Work” by the Fall.


12. Oh crap! Milk started to foam up… turn heat lower, partially covered. (Everything’s starting to get melty together, and it smells great!)
13. Alright, so I had to turn the heat up a little more to get it to simmer again, but am watching it carefully now… gonna get it to reduce down a little into a thicker mixture… by now the bread is mostly broken up and semi-dissolved in the milk.
14. Listen to “Black Magic” by Jarvis Cocker

and also think I’m stirring a cauldron and making potion which is vaguely (black) magical, or something and think, that’s a good title for this post.

15. Now it’s starting to get thicker… I’m going to add a large tablespoon of mayonnaise. YES! Mayo. I don’t have any eggs, and mayo is just eggs, vinegar and oil. Think about it: don’t you add eggs, oil and vinegar to a lot of things separately? Well, mayo is just already prepped and ready to add. Also, this should thicken it a bit more with the egg protein….
16. Stir it all together. It’s almost an even consistency now. Ok, I’m going to put it into a deep ceramic bowl I have and chill in the fridge, uncovered. (My theory is that the peanut butter, starch and egg will congeal in the cooler temp and make it more of a cakey pudding like thing.)
17. Words.
18. It’s still a bit warm, but the top is starting to dry and crack which, I think, is a good sign.

Verdict:
Kind of awesome! Next time, more thickener. FLOUR! Damn! I forgot I have pancake mix! That would’ve done it. Dangit. Well, still, it’s pretty good!

Acknowledgements:
This was inspired, in part, by Ryan Sorenson, a great comedian and undoubtedly a better cook than I am.

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