Drunkenhood and Humblepie: A Broke Single Man’s Cookbook (Recipe #1: Ham and Rice Stuff)

Alright, so here’s the deal.

I’m my attempt to make ends meat (no pun intended), I’ve recently been getting really good at cooking at home a lot more. Not only has it saved my ass, it’s saved some money. Also, it’s been kind of fun. I’ve come up with some really interesting recipes.

Tonight, I went to an open mic at the Creek and Cave in Long Island City. After a long bus ride home, I’m starving.

I don’t remember when, but my mom gave me some ham leftovers that have been in the freezer for a while.

Here is the very first recipe in the Drunkenhood and Humblepie Cookbook.

Recipe #1: Ham and Rice Stuff

1. 3 large pieces of leftover ham (presumably from Christmas dinner), frozen, precooked.
2. A large sauce pan.
3. Cut the ham into cube-ish chunks and put into a medium sauce pan with a tablespoon of margarine you found in the freezer along with it.
4. Put it on to medium heat.
5. In a medium sauce pan, add about 1 cup of natural whole grain brown rice into with water. Also add a bit more margarine and sea salt.
6. Bring rice/water to a boil.
7. Sautee the ham chunks in margarine for a while. It’s pre cooked, so whatever.
8. Play some moves in Words with Friends. Clobber your opponents!
9. Bring to a boil then simmer the ham for a while on medium until the water mostly evaporates. Cover with a cover that’s too small because the other one broke.
10. I’m going to add a little salt and a little bit of water to the ham, to help get it more ‘reduced’ or whatever. If I had olive oil, I’d probably use some of that. Actually, no salt: the ham is already salty.
11. I’m considering using some cinnamon… ok, a pinch (it’s strong!)
12. Adding some black pepper and crushed red pepper flakes, too.
13. It’s been cooking for a while. (The cinnamon was a good move, I think!)
14. Now that the water is almost boiled off in both the ham (and getting close with the rice), I’m going to dump the entire thing in with the rice now…
15. I think I’m heading towards a bizarro corned beef hash!
16. The ham and rice are combined (decent proportions, maybe a bit too much rice).
17. Now it’s on low, gonna cover and simmer for a bit (10 min?)
18. Play some more Words with Friends. Get clobbered.
19. Water almost boiled off now… add a tiny bit more cinnamon, black and red pepper (the rice didn’t have it before), and a pinch of dried parsley.
20. Stir it a little, take off heat, let cool and serve! (Is this some kind of Asian HotPot?)
21. Yikes! Super salty!

The Verdict:

Well, it’s not bad. This is definitely not my best work, but filling! Probably will be better as a leftover tomorrow. Things to remember for next time: Less rice, and less salt! (maybe more cinnamon?).

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